Rewind: Part 3

Soooo.... tired........

::::::::Am I dreaming... or are people really talking to me?...::::

:::::I don't know what they're saying... they sound so far away...::::::

My mind was foggy as the pungent smell of rubbing alcohol summoned me to open my eyes...slowly....

Nothing was in focus, but it seemed there were people standing around me....

:::::I just want to sleep.....::::

The voices and faces slowly became more clear

"Jenni. Jenni, stay with us. Good, stay with us. Jenni."

These were not the faces I expected to see when waking from a nap....

......... and why were they all right in front of my face?

They faded again.... blurring and seeming to dissipate into the foggy dream I couldn't quite figure out.

Sooo.... tired....

I tried to pull myself from the half asleep stupor I felt I was in-- like waking from a dream and not remembering where I'd fallen asleep.

Why were these people so insistent on waking me from this restful slumber....?

It felt good to sleep...

How long had I slept....?

"Jenni. Jenni, stay with us."

My eyes strained to focus on the faces floating around me.

Why was I asleep sitting up?

:::::Where am I?::::::

I tried to rake through the clouds that enveloped my thoughts.... tried to grasp the last thing I could remember-- trying to separate the dreams from reality.....

::::::Oh, that's right.... I had had a baby!..... I'd walked to the bathroom and sat down......::::

The haze started to clear.....

:::::I remember sitting down.....then saying I felt really dizzy.... but that's all I remember....::::

"Jenni."

The unfamiliar faces surrounding me took form once again. The alcohol smelled so strong..... I tried to make sense of it all....

"Jenni, stay with us. Can you hear me, Jenni?"

:::::Oh, I get it! I fainted! What a strange feeling....::::

I blinked over and over, trying to fight the urge to go back to "sleep." The voices sounded closer now. I didn't recognize them, but they were nurses, I figured.

"There you are. Can you hear me?"

I confirmed that I was aware now of what was going on.

They spoke to me, but I don't really remember what was said... because soon the voices started getting distant again.... and the faces melted into this mottled mix of dream and reality that I just couldn't control.

Sooo.... tired....

Man, it felt good to sleep. What a nice nap.... wonder how long I'd been asleep....

And what was that strong smell?

::::::::Am I dreaming... or are people really talking to me?...::::

:::::I don't know what they're saying... they sound so far away...::::::

This all felt eerily familiar....

What was going on...?

::::::::Oh yes, that's right... I was at the hospital, I fainted....::::

I grasped the reality a bit more quickly this time and strained to bring things into focus.

:::::::::::blink..blink.... blink::::::::::

There were more faces now.

"........go........ orange juice....."

I heard them talking through the haze that I couldn't push away.

:::::blink.....blink,blink:::::::

I jostled my head repeatedly, hoping that if I kept moving I would more easily be able to stay alert and aware.

"Stay with us, Jenni. Look at my face. Focus on my face."

I did focus for a bit. Good, maybe I was in control now. It's hard to say. I think I spoke to them.... saying something about how weird it felt... like I had just been napping.....

I continued blinking and shaking my head as the voices became less distinct and more distant. I was trying to hard to keep them close.....but I felt sooo..... tired.....

I don't really remember the exact series of events.... I remember at one point there was a cup of orange juice in front of me with a straw. They were telling me to drink it.

I drank and drank.

I blinked and blinked.

I faded in and out.....

Did I ever finish drinking that orange juice?

At times I felt like I was with it. They told me I looked better. I conversed with them....somewhat..... But, then suddenly I was waking to the smell of those smelling salts again.

Why couldn't I keep my eyes open? This was ridiculous! They said it was a good thing Steve had been there.... he was the reason I was still sitting up, and not collapsed on the floor. Its all such a blur....I had no sense of the time passing.

Sooo......tired......

There I was laying on a rolling bed as they hooked me up to a monitor. I blinked and shook my head.... over and over.... why? Oh yeah, because I wasn't supposed to fall asleep. But I was laying on this bed now.... it was so hard not to give in.....

Wait.... when did I get on this bed??? I thought I was in the bathroom....

I vaguely recalled them sending for a wheelchair.... but instead they had come with a... a rolling office chair? May be that was a dream....who knows. I must have gotten in the chair and been wheeled out of the bathroom .... but.... the only thing I remember was them rolling me away on a bed....who knows how I got on the bed... what a jumbled mess my memory was....

"You can go to sleep now. We've got monitors on you and you're laying down."

Oh, good.... I could sleep now.....no more fighting.....

(Later my mom told me that she thinks about 30 minutes passed from the time I had gone into the bathroom to the time they felt I was stable enough to transfer me to the recovery room. She said she thought I had fainted 5 times, maybe more while I was in the bathroom! I remember one of the nurses saying that in the 7 (?) years she had been doing this, she had NEVER seen a case of fainting as bad as mine!)

The next distinct thing I remember was when it was time for them to take me to my recovery room. I felt so much better at this point. They handed me Robby before we headed out to the hall. Oh yeah! Robby! I had almost forgotten about the baby in the midst of all the chaos..... the baby, which was the whole reason I was even at the hospital in the first place. Anyway, I held tight to my precious little one as I lay in that bed and they pushed me down the hall.... or maybe I wasn't holding him...... okay so, maybe I don't remember so "distinctly." I actually wasn't quite as "with it" as I thought I was at the time. I do remember us passing a pregnant girl that was out walking the halls. The nurse said that girl was in labor out in the hall because they didn't have enough delivery rooms open yet! Whoops.... busy morning for everyone.... poor girl.

We reached my room and they carefully transfered me to the bed there. After getting me situated, my new nurse told me that I needed to empty my bladder within 6 hours of delivery (so, I guess I hadn't even done so the first time....). So, that gave me until 10:30 to do so. She made it very clear that I was not to get up on my own. I needed to have her in there to help me so I needed to page her when I was ready.

There was no way I was going just yet. I was going to put it off as long as possible.

Right now, it was time to rest.

Sleep was greatly desired at this point.

And so, I slept.

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:::::::Sleep is good....

........but why do I have to dream about that awful fainting experience.......

........that smell pulling me from my unconscious state.......those distant voices again, faces floating in front of me.....

"Don't look down. Jenni. Focus on my face."

::::::::....coming into focus.........

But wait, those aren't the same faces..... different nurses... weird.....:::::::

Then I realized.....

:::::::Oh.... my goodness..... this isn't a dream! It's happening again!::::::

The fog cleared more quickly this time.I remembered now, I had called the nurse in at 10:15. I had waited as long as they would let me before trying to use the restroom. The nurse had come with another nurse as backup....ready with smelling salts..... just in case.

I couldn't believe it had happened again.... at least this time I was able to stable myself more quickly. I only fainted once that time. Better. Hopefully next time, I could make a trip to the restroom without all this excitement.

(There I am after the second episode. My mom said I looked a lot worse the first time... I had no color, I was so pale. But, she said it was all to freaky to be taking pictures that first time.)

Gratefully, that was my last fainting episode. They did take my blood to see if they could tell what the problem was... if my blood sugar was low or if I'd lost too much blood or something. I don't know. But they didn't find anything. They figured I must have just been so exhausted and my body just couldn't quite handle it.

What a weird experience.

At least I have some great stories to tell Little Robby when he gets older about the day he was born.

Apple Pickin'

Monday night we headed out to MacQueens Orchard for a ward Family Night!

It was fun to be there with friends and pick apples off those awesome apple trees.

Seriously.... those trees' branches hung all the way to the ground!

Robby enjoyed hanging out (literally) in the Snugli for the first time.

Somehow I ended up not picking many apples myself.......

I think I may have been too distracted by this face staring up at me.......

But, Steve and Jon and Keriann (whom we split a half bushel with) picked plenty.

Now.... time to put all those apples to good use!

(Too bad I had just made a huge apple crisp the night before.... hmmm..... I sense some of these apples are begging to be dipped in caramel and coated in other delicousness....)

Rewind: Part 2

"....please.... please.......please"

I couldn't see the baby very well from where I was. The doctor was stitching me up and was blocking my view(or perhaps I just didn't want to see....). I could see the team of people gathered around him and hooking him up to monitors and who knows what else. Mostly I just listened....

"Come on.... give us a cry..."

......and continued my pleading......

"...please....please...."

The nurses asked the doctor if he came out with his cord around his neck. She said no, but that the cord came out with him or by him or something. She didn't sound like that should have caused any problems.

THE APGAR SCORES

Okay, so, I think it is helpful at this point in the story to lay out some data. It helps illustrate the extent of the situation. I didn't know any of this information at the time, but knowing this stuff now gives me a better idea of what was going on while I was laying there unable to focus on much more than praying that my child was going to live.

Here is the info I got from research online:

"The APGAR scoring is a simple and repeatable method to quickly and summarily assess the health of newborn children immediately after childbirth.

The Apgar score is determined by evaluating the newborn baby on five simple criteria on a scale from zero to two, then summing up the five values thus obtained. The resulting Apgar score ranges from zero to 10. The five criteria (Appearance, Pulse, Grimace, Activity, Respiration) are used as amnemonic learning aid.

The test is generally done at one and five minutes after birth, and may be repeated later if the score is and remains low.

Scores 3 and below are generally regarded as critically low,

4 to 6 fairly low,

and 7 to 10 generally normal.

If your baby scores between 4 and 6, he may need some help breathing. This could mean something as simple as suctioning his nostrils or massaging him, or it could mean giving him oxygen. If your baby scores 3 or less, he may need immediate lifesaving measures, such as resuscitation. Keep in mind, though, that a low score at one minute doesn't mean that your baby won't eventually be just fine, particularly if there is an improvement by the stage of the five-minute test."

The question on your minds I am sure......

"SO WHAT WERE ROBBY'S APGAR SCORES???"

At one minute: 3

Five minutes: 6

Ten minutes: 6

I don't know how long it had been when he finally let out a short little cry. I think a couple minutes. I felt a slight relief at that sound, but it didn't quite ease my worries. He didn't keep crying. Just made a sound and then stopped again. They continued doing... whatever it was they were doing. They needed him to cry more.

I remember at one point seeing that they were sticking tubes down his nose and sucking stuff out. Eventually he cried again. He was definitely progressing, but they still weren't satisfied.

I was relieved when Steve came back to my bed side and was actually smiling. Steve said he was fine. At least at that point I was convinced my baby was going to live.

I think the point when I felt the most relief was when this special doctor (which they had urgently called for in the beginning) finally showed up and all he did was pretty much laugh and then leave. Right before he got there Robby had improved a ton. So, by the time he arrived he was almost like "Why the heck did you guys call me here?? This kid is fine!" The nurses explained to him what the situation had been and he just told me congrats and then left.

Apparently things must be fine if this doctor didn't even feel like he needed to

be in the room for more than 30 seconds.

As my doctor finished stitching me up, she said that she thought he had just been in shock from the transition. She said that his heart rate was perfectly fine the whole time I was pushing and everything, so it's not like anything was wrong before he was out. She said he might have sucked in a bunch of fluid right at the end as well.

Who knows what caused it... the important thing was he was alive and finally breathing.

Once they had him breathing the room air on his own for a while (without helping him with that little contraption) and made sure he was stable, his APGAR was finally a 9. They measured him (8 lbs 8 1/2 ounces and 21 inches long) and then finally brought him over to me.

It was almost unreal to actually have this baby in my arms-- my baby.

After the heart ache of 3 miscarriages....

....fearing at times that I would never give birth to a child....

....and now having endured the terror that he wasn't even going to live to take his first breath....

I was finally a mother.

He didn't have to go to the NICU or anything, gratefully.

I nursed him for the first time and he latched on right away, no problems there.

I held him for a while and admired him.

ANOTHER SCARE

What a long night....

I should have been exhausted, but I think I was too happy and relieved to feel it.

The nurse brought me some food, even though I didn't really feel hungry. I gave Robby to Steve while I started eating a little bit.

It was some time before 7 a.m. and the nurse was going to be getting off her shift soon, so she decided to try to have me empty my bladder. (Come to find out later, she probably wasn't really supposed to have me get up and walk yet, but she was trying to finish things off before her shift ended). She asked if I could move my legs well enough to stand. I felt just fine. I swear I could move my legs right after giving birth. I think I had let my epidural wear off to much at the end....

So, they carefully helped me get up and walk over to the bathroom. I felt pretty stable as I slowly walked in and sat down. Steve was by my side, helping to hold me up. At the time I didn't really think I needed it. But, it was a good thing he was there..... because I did not at all expect the crazy events that followed.....

TO BE CONTINUED.....