Sunday, August 30, 2009

Rewind

INDUCTION SCHEDULED
After much anticipation, Little Robby's due date (August 2nd) finally came!..... and went. The following day, I had an appointment with my doctor. I saw her at about noon. She checked me and said I was barely dilated to a 2 and was 60 percent effaced and softened and thinning. I had been having some cramps that day, but mostly just discomfort. So, she said she could either induce me the next day (Tuesday, August 4th) or Saturday. She was excited that she would actually be around to deliver my baby, since she had been out of town until the previous day. I said I'd just assume do it sooner! So, it was set. I was going to have my baby tomorrow! I was excited but nervous. Part of me was kind of relieved to just know I was coming in tomorrow and not to have to try to guess when to go to the hospital. But part of me still worried...... what if something happens before then? How do I know when it's time to go to the hospital???

Well, as the day progressed, I made sure my bag was packed, finished some last minute projects and proceeded to make a celebration dinner for my last night before little Robby's arrival. The cramps continued throughout the day.... gradually becoming more intense. As my mom and I were finishing making dinner, the cramps had gotten quite painful and I was sure those were contractions. I made it most of the way through my plate of food before I got hit with one contraction that drove me to leave the table and go lay on the couch. It was about 7 pm at that
point.

CONTRACTIONS
After a couple of hours of timing contractions (that were ranging anywhere from 9 minutes apart to 4 minutes apart) my dad suggested we just head to the hospital. (He was still out in Utah. But, he is a doctor and I'm always bugging him with my medical questions.... we had called and asked when exactly I should go to the hospital). The worst they could do was send me back home and I'd just go back in the morning to be induced. At this point the contractions were pretty intense, so I was hoping they wouldn't just send me home and make me go through this all night! So, we got to the hospital around 9ish... I'm not exactly sure. And, they decided to keep me there when they checked me and I was dilated between 4 and 5 centimeters.

So, NO INDUCTION AFTER ALL!

EPIDURAL
So, they put me in room 7 (7 happens to be my favorite number, by the way) and there they hooked me up to monitors and proceeded to get me ready for the night's events. I was surprised how pretty much as soon as I was hooked up and everything, the nurse asked if I wanted to get an epidural and said I could go ahead and get one as soon as the IV put enough fluid in me. I was expecting to have to wait many hours and endure many more horrible contractions before I could get the epidural! However, while I was relieved to have the pain eased soon.... I was
actually a little nervous. The thing I had most dreaded about labor was getting the epidural. The thing that worried me most was having to hold still while they did it! As the nurse explained the procedure, she said "They are usually pretty fast. You'll just have to hold still through a couple contractions is all." Hold still THROUGH the contractions? Now that I was actually in labor and noticed that my way of coping with contractions was to move around a lot..... now I was even more worried about trying to hold completely still while they stuck that big needle in my back!!!!

But... not worried enough that I was going to opt out of getting the epidural :)

A MIRACLE
So, as I sat on the edge of the bed, leaning over as the anesthsiologist prepared my back for the proceedure... I silently prayed (and begged) that I would be able to hold still. I was apparently so focused on waiting for a contraction to come (and on my begging) that I didn't even realize when she actually put the needle in or anything. All I remember was at one point she asked me, "Are you having a contraction right now?" I was confused at the question.... why was she asking me that? Obviously I wasn't or it would be obvious. After stopping and paying closer attention for a few seconds I responded, "Uhhh.... no... I don't think so." Strange.
Then, next thing I knew, she was done. As I began to marvel at the fact that I hadn't had a single contraction the nurse chimed in,
"Wow, you did great! You had two really strong contractions right in a row while she was doing that!"
A little miracle? I think so...

So, there I lay, glad to have an epidural and surprised at how those contractions quickly faded to nothing more than a peak on the monitor.


And there Steve sat.... tired? Or nervous?
Not sure... perhaps a little of both.


DELIVERY
The next few hours consisted of me trying (not very successfully) to get some rest (by orders of the nurse, who suggested I would need all the energy I could muster for the events that would be coming), Steve sleeping (evidenced by his snoring) on the floor, and my mom trying to snooze on a chair in the room.
The next thing I really remember was that I started to be able to feel a lot of pressure. The nurse checked me and said I was nearly all the way dilated... I told her I felt like I needed to push, but she said I needed to hold off a little until that last little bit dilated. I know the doctor broke my water at some point... I'm thinking perhaps that was before all the pressure. It is all kind of jumbled in my mind at this point.
Anyway, it was starting to get REALLY uncomfortable (almost painful) trying NOT to push!!!
Finally, she checked me and said we were good to go.

PUSHING
I think it was a little before 4a.m. when I started pushing. The baby's heart rate had been good the whole time and continued to be so. The main things I remember about pushing were 1) feeling like my head was going to explode from holding my breath and 2) wishing I could push with each contraction. The doctor said I was having strong contractions too close together, so she wanted me to rest through some of them.
I knew he was about to come out when the doctor said to just give a small push (I had seen that many times on TLC's "A Baby Story").
It was 4:30 a.m.
And here came little Robby....

SOMETHING IS WRONG....
I saw Steve start to cry as I felt the pressure go away (and I assumed Robby was out). I didn't have the rush of happy emotion I had imagined I would have. Instead, a wave a fear rushed over me as they layed the limp body on my chest.

"Is he okay? Shouldn't he be crying? Why isn't he moving?"

They assured me he was fine. But, as they had Steve quickly cut the cord and they suctioned his mouth and nose, I could tell they weren't being completely truthful.

Still no crying. Just a little limp baby staring up at me with big eyes.

They quickly took him away and called in a team of people.

I am not sure how long the next series of events lasted or the exact details of what happened. I just lay there on the bed pleading over and over
"Please, please, please... please... please...."

He couldn't die now. Not after everything. Would God really let me get this far and then let him die?

"Please please please please....."

Steve went over to watch what the team was doing. My mom stood by me trying to comfort me and assure me everything would be fine. But, I could see on her face that she was just as scared as I was.
"Please...... please please.... please......"

.........TO BE CONTINUED...........

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

The First 3 Weeks

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Little Robby Toller

Robert Michael Toller joined us on August 4th at 4:30 a.m. He came on his own-- no induction, no c-section (though mom did get a much appreciated epidural). Stay tuned for more details on the events of his delivery.