I, Jenni, am a Sew-a-holic

It's true... I sew. I have always liked to sew. When I was little I remember hand sewing little outfits for some of my stuffed animals. haha... When I was in highschool I would add straps/capsleeves onto my dance dresses (prom, etc). I didn't really know what I was doing, but they usually turned out alright. In college, I took a sewing class one semester and enjoyed it. I never did have my own sewing machine though. On my birthday this last year (December 28th) my parents gave me a sewing machine. So, I've started putting it to use.

Before I went out to Switzerland I made a bunting (a blanket type thing with a zipper on it) for my sister's baby on it's way.

Don't you just love the cute little binky button?

When I got back from Switzerland I decided to try making a little dress for my new niece. It is a 6 month size so she can wear it in the fall. I think it turned out well.

My next project was to make a skirt for myself. I finished that and wore it to church 2 weeks in a row because I'm bored with all my other clothes (apparently I need to make myself some more skirts). I don't have a picture of that yet....

Next I made.... another little dress for my niece!!! Okay, so maybe I'm a little obsessed with making stuff for babies. But, they are just so little and cute!!! And Kahri is so little and cute too: ) This one is a size 1 to 3 months so she'll be able to wear it when she comes out to visit at the end of May!!!

I just love the pink and green.

AND my current project, is.... another little dress.... for my niece... hahaha... but this time, I'm switching to my other niece. My niece Emery who is 2 years old. I'll let you know how it turns out.

OH yeah! And I forgot... A couple weeks ago my little brother Jordan was doing a lip sync at school. He and his friends were doing "ABC" by the Jackson 5. So... I transformed some jeans into "bellbottoms" for them. haha... Yeah, I didn't want to spend days and days making 4 pairs of bellbottoms, so they were by no means perfect... but they got the job done!

Jordan is the one in the blue shirt... he was little Michael Jackson.

The little Jackson Five... minus one.....haha... nice 'fros!

Kyler and Kahri

I took these pictures while in Switzerland visiting my sister.

Aren't they just the cutest little niece and nephew you ever did see?

I got a flat tire on Saturday

My 14 Easy Steps on How to Change a Tire:

1) Figure out where to place the jack and hope it's the right place....

2) Jack the car up off the ground (apparently the jack was in the right place)

3) Try to pry the hubcap off the wheel hub thing.

4) After the hubcap is all bent out of shape and not off, realize that the hubcap won't come all the way off until the lugnuts are off.

5) Try to turn one of the lugnuts with the tool....

6) Watch as the wheel turns at this point making it impossible to turn the lugnut.....

7) Lower the jack to bring the car back down to the ground so you CAN get the lugnuts off.

8) Try AGAIN to turn the lugnut..... and realize you have no muscles.

9) Stand on the tool and use your weight to turn the lugnut!

10) As the last lugnut is removed, watch as the hubcap pops off and luckily returns to it's original shape.

11) Pull as hard as you can in attempt to get the wheel off.......

12) Watch as the car wobbles and threatens to fall off the jack ......

13) Finally, ask the guy across the street to come help and watch as he removes the wheel with ease.

14) Willingly let him finish the job for you : )

#7

Okay, so I finally came up with my 7th tidbit for my Seven Semi-Interesting Tidbits post I did a while ago. Did you know that.......I've been skydiving?!?!? Click and check out the video...#7

"Moving On"

It feels strange to "move on" (on my blog at least) past the whole Brantly thing.... I almost felt bad posting pictures of my hair..... like it is rude of me to be thinking of myself at a time like this. I think my brother, Chris, put it well when he said on his blog:

''Time doesn't heal, it just helps us accept.' This is so true I think. It will always hurt. I find myself feeling bad when I worry about my own problems. But then I realize that's how we move on. We keep our own lives going."

Of course it is not wrong for us to move forward in our lives. Just because we move on doesn't mean we don't care any more. We will never forget Brantly. Thank you all for the comfort, thoughts, and prayers you have all offered.

Pictures....Finally

My new haircut I acquired while in Europe.

I hate taking pictures of myself and am not too keen on smiling with these braces on....

But, here I am nonetheless.

And here is my new favorite outfit :)

Farewell to Brantly, by Mike Kirkham (my dad)

How can I face it, how can I survive
The torment I feel as I constantly strive
To make myself better for I am so weak
I’m not sure I’ll make it, this life is so bleak.

Although, I’m a good boy, I feel so much shame,
I fear I’m not worthy and can’t honor my name.
Though I can’t find a reason, for feeling this way,
For I’ve made no bad choices to lead me astray.

I’m scared just to open my eyes in the morning,
It seems every sound rings an ominous warning,
“Today will bring failure and panic and dread”
So I hide myself deep in my fortress, my bed.

The darkness engulfs me and holds me so tight,
I can barely hear laughter, and see so little light.
I’m sure I’m a burden to those who are dear,
It’d probably be better if I weren’t here.

Interlude

It seems they are crying. Oh, what have I done?
I couldn’t imagine so much sorrow would come.
So clearly, I see now, what was hidden before
That they wanted to keep me on that side of the door.

And now that I listen with crystal clear ears,
I hear how they loved me and talk of my years.
How they speak of the good and the love in my life,
Their words sink to my core like the blade of a knife.

Oh, I wish I could go back and comfort their fears,
To tell them I love them and stop up their tears.
But now I must wait and I’ll hope and I’ll pray
That I’ll see them again on some bright future day.

Till I see you again, please, take heed my dear friends
That the darkest encounters always come to an end.
Face each day with great courage and never lose sight
That the people who love you, will help you to fight.

The dark fog of depression, my perspective destroyed,
But now I can see God’s plan fully deployed.
It gives us a chance to get up when we fall,
And it’s there for each person, it’s there for us all.

“I love you from here to Japan”, I would say,
And you’ll hear that faint whisper when you remember each day,
Laughter, love and a life full of kindness and splendor,
Please think of these things when you try to remember.

I Love You Dear Family,

Brantly

The funeral was Saturday morning. One of the hardest days I've ever gone through. I've never seen so many tears from the Kirkham family- Grandpa, Grandma, uncles, cousins, my dad..... But, it was a beautiful funeral. It was so neat to see how many people loved Brantly. My Grandpa said it was the biggest funeral he's ever been to.

Brantly will be greatly missed. As my uncle said "Brantly was the kid we never had to worry about. He was the perfect son, never did anything wrong. Depression just got to him like cancer and he couldn't get away from it." Through out the day we shared happy memories about Brantly, funny stories, sweet things he had done.... It was refreshing to reflect on the good things-- to witness how many lives he had touched. He did so much good in his life and we'll never forget him. (For some fun family memories of Brant, see Chris's blog and Megan's blog. They pretty much said it all)

We Love You Brantly.

Rest in Peace

Just when I thought MY life was rough...

It seems whenever I start feeling like my trials are too much for me to handle... I get an awakening and realize that my problems really aren't that bad.

This evening I received a call from my parent's house. Several things about what I heard on the other end of the line caught me off guard. For one, my dad doesn't just call me that often. Second of all, my dad sounded very... urgent, almost frantic.
"Jen, it's dad. I have to tell you something......"
Then came the sobbing. And my dad doesn't cry often. Several terrifying thoughts ran through my head..... something happened to mom...... or one of my brothers.... maybe Grandpa died......
"Brantly commit suicide."
I had to sit down. This couldn't be real.
"He shot himself. Depression...."
I tried think of some way this could just be a sick late april fools joke. But, I knew it wasn't.

My 18 year old cousin Brantly commit suicide today. You never think of those things really happening.... they are just stories..... until someone close to you does it. I still keep thinking I'll wake up and find it was all a dream..... a nightmare. But when I convince myself this is reality.... I feel physically ill....
My extended family is all very close. We aren't one of those families that dreads getting together with the aunts and uncles and cousins and doesn't know anyone's names. We have close relationships... some of my best friends are my cousins. Brantly was the oldest son of my Dad's brother-- a really GOOD kid. So nice. Really shy and quiet for the most part, yet friends with everyone. He's one of those people who'd never done a bad thing in his life. I never would have imagined......... I can't even imagine what my aunt and uncle are going through right now.... My prayers are with them and the rest of the family.

I just hope that YOU (anyone reading this) never feel low enough that you think you need to take your life. Depression is a hard thing. Believe me, I know.... I've taken medication for it before myself. And I don't think anyone should ever feel like there is anything wrong with taking medication or seeking help for depression. It is real. It is hard. And if you let it go too far... it can be devastating..... I don't judge Brantly for doing what he did. Who knows what he was going through.... I just don't ever want to see another friend or loved one come to such extremes......