Going Under the Knife

Okay, so there weren't actually any knives involved (that I know of). On Thursday, I had a little something called a diagnostic hysteroscopy and dilation and curettage done. I am not sure how detailed I should get here on this blog, but if you want to know what that entails, click the link.

So, it kind of reminded me a of a movie... you know, the person is laying on the bed thing and they roll them into the surgery room-- bright lights above shining in your eyes, 6 doctors and nurses all around you, an IV attatched to your hand.

Anyway, they put me completely out with anesthetics. Such a weird thing... one minute I'm laying there in the surgery room, listening to the doctors talk and wondering what the next step is.

Then, I start to feel a little dizzy, and next thing I know I'm waking up in a different room with a painting of sailboats on the wall. The nurse offered me a drink and got me some water with a straw.

I'm sitting there drinking my water and talking to my mom and telling her how the first thing I remember was that painting of sailboats on the wall.....wait.... where'd the painting go???? When did I get in THIS room???? And when did my mom show up? Who knows.... I thought I was completely awake, but apparently there were a few glitches.....

Anyway, that was my fun day.

I couldn't help but imagine what it must be like to be at the hospital, ready to go into labor, ready to have a baby. As they were rolling me down the hall before, I was laying there in my gown, with an IV in my hand. I remembered everyone saying how one of the worst parts of labor is the stupid IV they keep in your hand. My thoughts turned to my friends Lori and Stephanie, who both just had their babies within the past week. As I was thinking of that, the nurse asked "Are you getting nervous?" I told her, "No, I was actually just thinking how two of my friends have gone into labor in the past week and had their babies, and how all I get for now is this....surgery." A little depressing.

So, since everyone else gets to post what they left the hospital with, here's mine:

Isn't he cute? He was about 3 pounds and 14 inches long. LOTS of hair! I think he looks more like his dad for sure....

I got a flat tire on Saturday

My 14 Easy Steps on How to Change a Tire:

1) Figure out where to place the jack and hope it's the right place....

2) Jack the car up off the ground (apparently the jack was in the right place)

3) Try to pry the hubcap off the wheel hub thing.

4) After the hubcap is all bent out of shape and not off, realize that the hubcap won't come all the way off until the lugnuts are off.

5) Try to turn one of the lugnuts with the tool....

6) Watch as the wheel turns at this point making it impossible to turn the lugnut.....

7) Lower the jack to bring the car back down to the ground so you CAN get the lugnuts off.

8) Try AGAIN to turn the lugnut..... and realize you have no muscles.

9) Stand on the tool and use your weight to turn the lugnut!

10) As the last lugnut is removed, watch as the hubcap pops off and luckily returns to it's original shape.

11) Pull as hard as you can in attempt to get the wheel off.......

12) Watch as the car wobbles and threatens to fall off the jack ......

13) Finally, ask the guy across the street to come help and watch as he removes the wheel with ease.

14) Willingly let him finish the job for you : )

The funeral was Saturday morning. One of the hardest days I've ever gone through. I've never seen so many tears from the Kirkham family- Grandpa, Grandma, uncles, cousins, my dad..... But, it was a beautiful funeral. It was so neat to see how many people loved Brantly. My Grandpa said it was the biggest funeral he's ever been to.

Brantly will be greatly missed. As my uncle said "Brantly was the kid we never had to worry about. He was the perfect son, never did anything wrong. Depression just got to him like cancer and he couldn't get away from it." Through out the day we shared happy memories about Brantly, funny stories, sweet things he had done.... It was refreshing to reflect on the good things-- to witness how many lives he had touched. He did so much good in his life and we'll never forget him. (For some fun family memories of Brant, see Chris's blog and Megan's blog. They pretty much said it all)

We Love You Brantly.

Rest in Peace

Just when I thought MY life was rough...

It seems whenever I start feeling like my trials are too much for me to handle... I get an awakening and realize that my problems really aren't that bad.

This evening I received a call from my parent's house. Several things about what I heard on the other end of the line caught me off guard. For one, my dad doesn't just call me that often. Second of all, my dad sounded very... urgent, almost frantic.
"Jen, it's dad. I have to tell you something......"
Then came the sobbing. And my dad doesn't cry often. Several terrifying thoughts ran through my head..... something happened to mom...... or one of my brothers.... maybe Grandpa died......
"Brantly commit suicide."
I had to sit down. This couldn't be real.
"He shot himself. Depression...."
I tried think of some way this could just be a sick late april fools joke. But, I knew it wasn't.

My 18 year old cousin Brantly commit suicide today. You never think of those things really happening.... they are just stories..... until someone close to you does it. I still keep thinking I'll wake up and find it was all a dream..... a nightmare. But when I convince myself this is reality.... I feel physically ill....
My extended family is all very close. We aren't one of those families that dreads getting together with the aunts and uncles and cousins and doesn't know anyone's names. We have close relationships... some of my best friends are my cousins. Brantly was the oldest son of my Dad's brother-- a really GOOD kid. So nice. Really shy and quiet for the most part, yet friends with everyone. He's one of those people who'd never done a bad thing in his life. I never would have imagined......... I can't even imagine what my aunt and uncle are going through right now.... My prayers are with them and the rest of the family.

I just hope that YOU (anyone reading this) never feel low enough that you think you need to take your life. Depression is a hard thing. Believe me, I know.... I've taken medication for it before myself. And I don't think anyone should ever feel like there is anything wrong with taking medication or seeking help for depression. It is real. It is hard. And if you let it go too far... it can be devastating..... I don't judge Brantly for doing what he did. Who knows what he was going through.... I just don't ever want to see another friend or loved one come to such extremes......