How can I face it, how can I survive
The torment I feel as I constantly strive
To make myself better for I am so weak
I’m not sure I’ll make it, this life is so bleak.
Although, I’m a good boy, I feel so much shame,
I fear I’m not worthy and can’t honor my name.
Though I can’t find a reason, for feeling this way,
For I’ve made no bad choices to lead me astray.
I’m scared just to open my eyes in the morning,
It seems every sound rings an ominous warning,
“Today will bring failure and panic and dread”
So I hide myself deep in my fortress, my bed.
The darkness engulfs me and holds me so tight,
I can barely hear laughter, and see so little light.
I’m sure I’m a burden to those who are dear,
It’d probably be better if I weren’t here.
Interlude
It seems they are crying. Oh, what have I done?
I couldn’t imagine so much sorrow would come.
So clearly, I see now, what was hidden before
That they wanted to keep me on that side of the door.
And now that I listen with crystal clear ears,
I hear how they loved me and talk of my years.
How they speak of the good and the love in my life,
Their words sink to my core like the blade of a knife.
Oh, I wish I could go back and comfort their fears,
To tell them I love them and stop up their tears.
But now I must wait and I’ll hope and I’ll pray
That I’ll see them again on some bright future day.
Till I see you again, please, take heed my dear friends
That the darkest encounters always come to an end.
Face each day with great courage and never lose sight
That the people who love you, will help you to fight.
The dark fog of depression, my perspective destroyed,
But now I can see God’s plan fully deployed.
It gives us a chance to get up when we fall,
And it’s there for each person, it’s there for us all.
“I love you from here to Japan”, I would say,
And you’ll hear that faint whisper when you remember each day,
Laughter, love and a life full of kindness and splendor,
Please think of these things when you try to remember.
I Love You Dear Family,
Brantly
The torment I feel as I constantly strive
To make myself better for I am so weak
I’m not sure I’ll make it, this life is so bleak.
Although, I’m a good boy, I feel so much shame,
I fear I’m not worthy and can’t honor my name.
Though I can’t find a reason, for feeling this way,
For I’ve made no bad choices to lead me astray.
I’m scared just to open my eyes in the morning,
It seems every sound rings an ominous warning,
“Today will bring failure and panic and dread”
So I hide myself deep in my fortress, my bed.
The darkness engulfs me and holds me so tight,
I can barely hear laughter, and see so little light.
I’m sure I’m a burden to those who are dear,
It’d probably be better if I weren’t here.
Interlude
It seems they are crying. Oh, what have I done?
I couldn’t imagine so much sorrow would come.
So clearly, I see now, what was hidden before
That they wanted to keep me on that side of the door.
And now that I listen with crystal clear ears,
I hear how they loved me and talk of my years.
How they speak of the good and the love in my life,
Their words sink to my core like the blade of a knife.
Oh, I wish I could go back and comfort their fears,
To tell them I love them and stop up their tears.
But now I must wait and I’ll hope and I’ll pray
That I’ll see them again on some bright future day.
Till I see you again, please, take heed my dear friends
That the darkest encounters always come to an end.
Face each day with great courage and never lose sight
That the people who love you, will help you to fight.
The dark fog of depression, my perspective destroyed,
But now I can see God’s plan fully deployed.
It gives us a chance to get up when we fall,
And it’s there for each person, it’s there for us all.
“I love you from here to Japan”, I would say,
And you’ll hear that faint whisper when you remember each day,
Laughter, love and a life full of kindness and splendor,
Please think of these things when you try to remember.
I Love You Dear Family,
Brantly
4 comments:
What a beautiful poem! I didn't know your dad had such talent, it made tears come to my eyes, and I am not an emotional person!
Jenni I am so sorry about your cousin. I can't even imagine how hard that must be for you and your family. Thanks for sharing the beautiful poem your dad wrote.
Jenni, you don't know me. I'm a friend of a friend. I went to school with Ben and Rory. Anyway, I stumbled upon your blog and wanted to tell you Thank You for posting this beautiful poem. I bawled as I read it. A close friend of mine has been going through a hard time. His brother committed suicide only a few days before your cousin. I've struggled as to what to say to him. This poem is so perfect and I'm going to send him a copy, if you don't mind. I just wanted to tell you thanks! Amber Davis Payne
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